Angry Bike Guys

I love that they keep finding new ways to catch dopers. I’m lovin’ it McDonald’s. You know what though, these guys do deserve a fair shake. What happened to innocent until proven guilty? This is fucking getting out of control everybody. Shitty little local newspapers and radio stations are talking about this.

Well, I’m here to go on record to say until there is 100% without a shadow of a doubt conclusive evidence, I say AC is not guilty. NOT GUILTY, PEOPLE!!! But with all of this press I think this can be spun to benefit AC and make him BIGGER THAN LANCE!!!

I’m not a lawyer, but I can be an advisor. So, here’s my top ten defenses to pissing plastic and Clenbuterol.

1. Someone forgot to tell AC that you swallow what’s inside the energy gel packet, not eat the whole packet

2. In an effort to get lighter, he started eating helium balloons

3. When he heard Lance was coming back last year, out of a fit of rage he ate a Livestrong bracelet

4. He’s really Mr. Fantastic from the Fantastic Four

5. He licks his bike for good luck

6. He didn’t know there was Clenbuterol in his EPO syringe

7. Oscar Sevilla said it was OK

8. He got the steak from an Olympic cow

9. He didn’t know the Whizzinator was made of IV bag material

10. He thought Clenbuterol was english for flu shot

11. He licks Fuyu Li for good luck

12. He swallowed a condom (Hey, stop thinking that’s a gay accusation. Maybe he was a drug mule.)

13. His inflatable penile implant ruptured

14. Just like jew hunting, its legal in Kazakhstan (Borat said so)

15. The antidoping control officer accidentally put his coffee stirrer in AC’s urine sample while having his morning croissant

16. He frequently purchases “enlargement” creams unknowingly containing Clenbuterol

17. Some blow-up doll material was still stuck to him after a long night of slow and sensual Spanish love making

18. Greg Lemond offered him a lifetime enrollment in an Omaha Steaks competitor Preakness Placers to congratulate him on his success.

19. He requested the EPO enfused Duck Confit, but they said the Clenbuterol NY strip was all that was available

20. He got a blow job from a french hooker using a dental that was a little too toothy and caused massive abrasions

I’m sitting here waiting for the phone to ring, AC. Let’s get this shit fixed.

-griz-