Posts Tagged ‘milan san remo’

If I wrote letters to people…

Posted in Uncategorized on October 11th, 2010 by Angry Bike Guys – Be the first to comment

Dear HTC/Highroad management,

What the fuck are you doing? What ever Cav wants, give it to him. Your GC tries have all fucking fizzled? C’mon, Rogers & Kirchen? Both are short stage race guys, at best.

You are fucking with one of the most exciting bike riders to come along in a very long time. This guy could be a fucking cash cow for an American team, such as yourself. That is your target market, right?

Well, let’s do the Cav versus what American’s want rundown here:
– English speaking?  CHECK!!!
– Opinionated?  CHECK!!!
– Wins a lot?  CHECK!!!
– Sometimes offensive?  CHECK!!!
– Apologizes after being offensive?  CHECK!!!
– Swears?  CHECK!!!
– Over emotional?  CHECK!!!

Cash, fucking, cow!!! If you took away his British accent the dude is everything American. We love a shit-talking/self-sensitive winner. Look at all the action movies we watch.

Rocky IV:  Small guy beats the shit out of ‘roided up gigantic Russian and then cries about bringing the USA and (then) USSR together.

Terminator 2:  Four words, “Hasta la vista, baby.” BOOM!!! Fucker explodes. Then the Gov lowers himself in to the molten metal, killing himself to save the world while giving a thumbs-up. Yeah, I shed a tear. Fuck you, I wasn’t the only one.

The list could go on and on, but you’re smart. There’s a gaping hole left in the american psyche now that Lance is gone. Yeah, Lance was born in the USA, but most of the people that went nuts for him barely know anything about cycling. So, in steps Cav after some language lessons (worked for Nicole Kidman and Russell Crowe) to fill that void.

Fucking dude flipped off the photographers after winning a stage. Next day, he apologized. Fucking awesome. Put him in front of reporters and he’s even better.

“I was pretty pissed with Greipel’s comments after San Remo. If he thought he could win, he’d say it before the race rather than when he’s looking at the results sheet. It wasn’t through lack of form that I didn’t win San Remo – it was bad luck. Last year I won it picking my nose. This year it was possible I’d win again. There’s no chance of Greipel winning a ‘Monument’. Me on bad form is still better than him.” [Quoted from cyclingnews.com]

“I understand that at the moment I’m racing to be in my best form for the Tour de France and the world championships. If I wanted to get shit small wins, I’d race shit small races.” [Quoted from cyclingnews.com]

In his stage winner’s press conference Mark Cavendish (Columbia-HTC) brushed off a story that appeared in Wednesday’s L’Equipe, claiming that an unnamed French rider had described the British rider as “racist” and “anti-French.” “I think I’m a bit hot headed some times,” said Cavendish, “but it’s irrelevant the nationality of the rider if I’m going to get arsy with someone.”  “For sure I’m going to get arsy at some riders, because, you know, I’m an asshole,” said Cavendish. “But it’s irrelevant their nationality, and irrelevant what they look like, or where they come from. Because, like I said, I’m an asshole.” [Quoted from cyclingnews.com]

That’s what american’s like, a winner who knows he’s good. American’s don’t like a winner who’s going to jerk off the losers and say how hard it was to beat them.

Now I know he’s not a GC contender which is where the prize money is. He’s a stage winner which is where the endorsements shine. Half the time the GC guys are fiddlefucking around because they don’t want to jump too early or get too tired from trying too hard. Plus, most non-cycling American’s are too stupid to understand the idea of the General Classification. Cav is consistently on the podium and quoteable which works great. Win NOW, not threes weeks from now. FUCKING GET IT RIGHT, C’MON!!!

Sincerely,
-griz-