Ride 1 & 2

Posted in Uncategorized on May 5th, 2011 by Angry Bike Guys – Be the first to comment

Ride 1:
with: Eric, Cheryl, Zac and Ryan

Discouraging. My initial sorry-for-myself thoughts:

“the winter training has made me much stronger than I ever have been before, but it will do very little for my riding because I’m pretty much at the same weight i have been over the last several years. my muscles are trained to move heavy loads quickly… not spin a bike for an hour or two. this doesn’t bother me as i’d rather be lifting these days, but it is obvious. my best season was 3 years ago when i returned from san francisco and rode the single speed at the front of the group. when i lived there, i was riding 7 days a week and sprinting up hills steeper than anything out here. my deadlift was about 325, too, but having both a decent amount of strength and musclar-endurance for cycling/running was a nice combo. now that has shifted towards the strength end of the spectrum and since i have no body weight to drop, i’m not gaining the natural advantage of being lighter. the muscle memory of my cycling/running days has finally dissipated. im a capable rider now, but not where i was and i dont think the winter training did much to help. but ill take the strength gains over that at this point in my life.”
Perhaps a bit harsh considering this was only my second time on the road bike this year.

Ride 2:
with: Ryan, Zac, Conrad, Keith

Much larger turnout. The A group fragmented but the leaders finished together. For a change we took turns pulling the front, although I had to chase down Zac when he decided to sprint up hills in a vain effort to try and prove something. Averaged just above 19mph. Very happy with the ride overall.  Post-ride activities were off, again… although our “cheapest bottle of red wine” strategy paid off (at the cost of waiting a half hour for it). We invited a new rider to meet us there and Zac force fed him an hour of dry conversation. Uncertain if he will return. No jorts this week.

The Weight of Water

Posted in Uncategorized on March 9th, 2011 by Angry Bike Guys – Be the first to comment
The last year in training has been bookended by two floods — two biblical, once-in-a-hundered-year floods – the type that sweep away homes and cars (or maybe the type that result in just enough water to seep into a basement to be expensive — I’m still emotional about it). The brilliant bronzed beech hardwoord flooring I had installed in my mancave was destroyed both times. I loved that floor, but nature had other plans. Flood me once, shame on you. Flood me again, well, er, you can’t be flooded again. Or so I thought. 

In the time between the two floods much had transpired in the next room — the modest two car garage converted into home gym. I had been working out and lifting weights with Cheryl for several years — just the two of us. Over that time, one may stop by for a session, have trouble finishing the workout, leave frustrated and never come back. In April that changed — a friend of ours was in need of a mental diversion — he asked to join one of our workouts and we gladly obliged. And so it began — for nearly 35 weeks straight a group assembled to lift, throw, push and pull, jump, run, squat and lunge. I think the neighbors were as much entertained as they were confused. Afterwards we would barbecue and empty kegs of homebrew. This was not a bad way to spend a summer.

As the days grew shorter and the temperature colder, attendance fell out, but a few core members stuck around — those being the other two ABG authors, Buck and Griz. You see, these group sessions were a catalyst for bigger change. Around September I started to take everything more seriously. I stopped drinking beer after training, dialed in my diet and shifted the workouts away from the 500-rep “grab bag” style sessions to focused, simplified movements with ramped up weight and intensity. Soon after the other two followed. Beer and pizza was replaced with protein and fish oil. We fed off each other and the change has been profound. In a few short months of dedicated training, everyone is deadlifting over 2x bodyweight and I’m 15lbs away from 3x. Griz owns every rowing record in the gym and most of the overhead lifting records, too. Perhaps the most important shift from all has been the gains in mental strength: this winter sucked horribly, and yet we trained in my cold garage 4 to 5 times a week despite the conditions. There was no compromise and now we’re reaping the rewards. Griz has discovered a love for weight training; Buck has lifted loads in weeks that took me years to pull, and I’m able to look at the concrete floors of my once beautiful mancave and know that this will be alright because “things” can be replaced and I’m still able to train another day — clarity discovered under the weight of the bar.





Posted in Uncategorized on February 14th, 2011 by Angry Bike Guys – Be the first to comment

Buck here.

I feel like i’ve been dogging my workouts lately. The motivation just isn’t there. After we moved from straight lifting to a lifting\metcon combo I’ve had a hard time keeping the faith.

Until this morning. I woke up, fed my man cats, watched some Swole Patrol videos and manned up my oatmeal by loading it with protein powder. This weekend was an eye opener into why we do what we do here. Why we strive to dominate the A group and sacrifice during these winter months.

So what happened? I reconnected with an estranged friend. The months away from him have been simplified. Wake, work, workout, sleep and eat healthy. I’ve reduced my friend list to the two I workout with and honestly enjoy the hell out of my routine.

So I get conned into getting a beer with this old friend. Typical situation as soon as he arrives (late which pissed me off). He takes 10 minutes to order a drink, another 15 to order the worst pub food on the menu while a cloud of estrogen gas engulfs our bar stools as he talks about office work and other topics no less feminine. Now this friend isn’t a fat ass, far from it. He’s actually quite fit. The problem is that he isn’t swole and lacks the confidence and fortitude of a man. He boasted about riding 30 miles on his indoor bike trainer earlier in the day and I died inside from the boredom and lack of raw strength stimulation.

I knew the rest of the day would be filled with regret so I napped it away while watching documentaries on agro topics like serial killing and apartheid. I then woke up this morning re-motivated and committed to my training (like a man).

What’s Your Power Song?

Posted in Uncategorized on February 10th, 2011 by Angry Bike Guys – Be the first to comment
I find inspiration in the music I listen to while training. I like bands that actually workout and lift weights. After all, how can I be inspired by a bunch of guys that look like this?
I don’t care how hardcore their music is, yelling (crying, really) unintelligible nonsense about what Dad did or didn’t do 15 years ago doesn’t make you tough and strong. It makes you a pussy. When an authentic power song comes on you know it — the integrity and intensity comes through in the first riff, or in the case my power song, the first piano note:

Van Halen : Right Now

This song lead me to PRs in the 500m row and Deadlift. It also makes me thirsty with nostoglia for Clear Pepsi. Two reasons:
  1. It’s powerful, inspiring and deep. That’s obvious to anybody.
  2. Sammy Hagar is built like a bulldozer. He still loads-in all of his band’s gear 30 years after his first gig. He also runs the greatest tequila company in the world, Cabo Wabo. Before hitting the stage at night, he can be found at the distillery lifting heavy ass barrels or unloading pickup trucks full of sweet desert cactus and heaving them into the boiling vats for processing. This strength comes through in his music and inspires me to lift heavier!
What’s your power song?

Today’s Bullshit Headline

Posted in Uncategorized on February 8th, 2011 by Griz – Be the first to comment


Haussler finally wins a stage (at the ToQ) since the crash he directly blames on Cavendish. Says he is still going to keep bringing up the crash though because he likes the attention, feels it legitimizes his faux-hawk.

More to come…


Today’s Bullshit Headline

Posted in Uncategorized on February 3rd, 2011 by Griz – Be the first to comment


Effective immediately the UCI announces that all fake blood value numbers that riders wish to be published instead of their real “spiked” numbers now must be turned in, in triplicate, along with the 5000 euro processing fee to eliminate any future Floyd-like problems.

More to follow…


Public Indecency

Posted in Uncategorized on January 30th, 2011 by Griz – Be the first to comment

Three things that I absolutely love are fast food, booze, and long bike rides.   Now, the first two go together like peas in a pod.   Try and add the first two with the last one and that’s when things start to get a little sticky, pun intended.   One thing I always try to do before a long ride is take a massive dump.  My ultimate goal is a shit so big that it feels like if you were to blow air over my asshole and it would sound like an empty beer bottle.    As for taking a piss, who cares?   You can do that wherever.   There are enough trees and bridges around to facilitate a quality urination situation.   Plus, standing outside pissing on a breezy sunny day just might be one of the untold joys of life.  It’s kind of like finally seeing the sun after a whole week of clouds and rain.   One of the horrible coincidences of cycling is that the weekends are made for long rides, but they are also made for drinking too.   I’m never one to pass up a beer, a slice, or a long ride.  So sit back and enjoy this little story.

Damn that looks tasty

After drinking a bunch of beers people tend to get a little hungry, I know I do.   Unfortunately, one of the few places around here that will deliver late on a Friday night is a nationwide chain pizza restaurant.   It’s not good by any stretch of the imagination, but when that pizza showed up it was a fucking feeding frenzy.   Well, Saturday morning rolls around and wouldn’t you know it, sunny and warm.   Gotta ride, son.   Just too nice of a day to pass up.   So I’m getting ready putting all my stuff on and a genius revelation hits me.   I should take some baby wipes along, just in case.   Goddamn, I’m fucking smart……until in my haste to get out the door and on the bike I left them sitting on the counter.   At mile 25 it felt like a clown was making balloon animals with my intestines.   At mile 50 it felt like two squirrels were fight fucking in my gut.   Then amazingly at mile 70 I started to feel better.   Come to find out that was the calm before the mile 75 storm which felt like an Italian soccer team was trying to kick its way out of me.

It definitely didn’t feel like that.

Now, let me expound for a second here.   Usually pulling up to piss is a piece of cake for a guy.   Yank down the front of your bib shorts, whip out your crank, let fly, shake, put back in, and get back on the bike.   Laying cable, on the other hand, is a whole different ball game.   Jersey has to come off, bib shorts have to come down almost all the way, and you hope you can find a tree to lean up against that doesn’t have rough bark.   That’s why when I set out for a long ride I always make sure I’m at least a couple miles from a convenience store, fast food joint, or any place that has public bathrooms.   Well, this baby wasn’t waiting for a McD’s toilet because it felt like a Siamese twin breech birth.   To the left and right of me I’m surrounded, but not by trees.   I’m fucking enveloped by pricker bushes and general bramble.   No where to go, it’s like a wall on each side.   Needless to say I’m starting to freak out a bit, and you all know what happens when you have to lay cable but can’t find a place to go, that’s right, it expedites the process.

As I start to come around a corner I notice a small break in the “wall” to my right.   The closer I get to it the more it looks like a dirt driveway.   But, jackpot, it’s the entrance to a corn field.   This is where it’s getting left.  As I’m rolling up to the field I’m already pulling off my jersey so I can get my bib shorts down quick.   I jump off the bike, throw my jersey down, unzip my saddlebag and look inside to grab the baby…wipes…fuckwherearethey?  SHIT!!!!!   I left them at home!!!   No time to spare what do I do?!?!

This was going to be one of those that you know 100% without a doubt has to be wiped.   So I start looking around for anything to use.   About 10 feet away from my bike I noticed a pile of what looked like old baby clothes and some toys that were illegally disposed of.   I kicked them around a bit, but decided to try my luck with the tractor that was parked in the field.   I ran as fast as I could to the tractor hoping to find napkins, tissues, even a rag.   Nothing.   Behind the tractor, maybe a tool box?   Nothing.   Something told me to look up, and there it was flapping in the breeze in all of its soft cloth glory; ol’ red, white, ‘n’ blue, the American flag.   Uh oh, t-minus 10 seconds till blast off.   I turned from the tractor quickly and bolted for the woods by my bike.

Man, I’ve got to tell you, I got there just in time.   The beer and pizza, the clown and his balloons, the squirrels, the Italian soccer team, and the breech Siamese twins all came out.   Holy shit did I feel better, like I could ride all day now.   That was just what I needed.   Alas, my moment of joy was quickly dashed away by the realization that I still had to wipe.   So I did it.   I reached right on back there and wiped away……with one of the shirts off the ground.

Yeah, that’s right.   I used a motherfucking shirt off the ground.   What do you think I am a fucking terrorist?   Wipe my ass with the American flag?   I’d punch a baby before I did that, and if you think I made the wrong choice go move to Iran.

P.S.  I put the flag back up on the tractor.


Who is Griz?

Posted in Uncategorized on January 28th, 2011 by Griz – Be the first to comment

I think the level of strippers at a strip club on a record snow fall day is like comparing a Continental team to U.S. Postal when they were “juiced”.

Blue Monday

Posted in Uncategorized on January 21st, 2011 by Angry Bike Guys – Be the first to comment

Sometime between January 18 and 24th of 2011 is supposed to be the most depressed day of the year. As fate would have it today is the average of those two dates provided to us by infallible science. For me January is usually a month of 16-hour work days, little sleep, no weekends and a bad attitude. It is when I make a great deal of money and care about little else. In recent years my winter riding has been decimated by weather and work but while the snow keeps piling up work is definitely slower than normal. The economy has a much smaller impact on what I do for a living compared to many others but I’ve definitely noticed a change over the last seven months. The timing couldn’t have been worse having just bought a new house and car, with my monthly expenditures soaring. But in other ways the timing couldn’t be better. I have more time to work out which I do without fail four or five days a week. I have more time to spend with my pets. My attitude is the best I can remember. I don’t need drugs to stay motivated or push long hours. I’m eating better, sleeping better, living better. The hindsight of my situation is a conflicting image. I can’t say if I would have been better off taking this work-less-workout-more path five years ago or if the struggle, sacrifice and abuse of those times were necessary to get me to where I am now. Finding the right balance can be hard for someone that likes to dwell in extremes but as I get older I’m realizing how critical this is. Sometimes the balance point isn’t always in the center of the scale, either.


Today’s Bullshit Headline

Posted in Uncategorized on January 17th, 2011 by Griz – Be the first to comment


Michael Ball and the now defunct Rock Racing were found guilty of illegally using GTL (gym, tan, laundry), HGH enhanced self tanner, and black market hair gel for performance enhancing purposes.

More to follow.