Author Archive

Ride 1 & 2

Posted in Uncategorized on May 5th, 2011 by Angry Bike Guys – Be the first to comment

Ride 1:
——-
with: Eric, Cheryl, Zac and Ryan

Discouraging. My initial sorry-for-myself thoughts:

“the winter training has made me much stronger than I ever have been before, but it will do very little for my riding because I’m pretty much at the same weight i have been over the last several years. my muscles are trained to move heavy loads quickly… not spin a bike for an hour or two. this doesn’t bother me as i’d rather be lifting these days, but it is obvious. my best season was 3 years ago when i returned from san francisco and rode the single speed at the front of the group. when i lived there, i was riding 7 days a week and sprinting up hills steeper than anything out here. my deadlift was about 325, too, but having both a decent amount of strength and musclar-endurance for cycling/running was a nice combo. now that has shifted towards the strength end of the spectrum and since i have no body weight to drop, i’m not gaining the natural advantage of being lighter. the muscle memory of my cycling/running days has finally dissipated. im a capable rider now, but not where i was and i dont think the winter training did much to help. but ill take the strength gains over that at this point in my life.”
Perhaps a bit harsh considering this was only my second time on the road bike this year.

Ride 2:
——-
with: Ryan, Zac, Conrad, Keith

Much larger turnout. The A group fragmented but the leaders finished together. For a change we took turns pulling the front, although I had to chase down Zac when he decided to sprint up hills in a vain effort to try and prove something. Averaged just above 19mph. Very happy with the ride overall.  Post-ride activities were off, again… although our “cheapest bottle of red wine” strategy paid off (at the cost of waiting a half hour for it). We invited a new rider to meet us there and Zac force fed him an hour of dry conversation. Uncertain if he will return. No jorts this week.

The Iron

Posted in The Iron on April 21st, 2011 by Angry Bike Guys – Be the first to comment

Lifting weights has become more than just what I do when I can’t ride my bike. It’s become such a distinct and important part of my life and, in all likelihood, has usurped cycling as my sport of choice. Not that I’m going to give up cycling – I could never do that. More on that later. Lots more.

Von

Until then, read this:

——-

The Iron
by Henry Rollins

I believe that the definition of definition is reinvention. To not be like your parents. To not be like your friends. To be yourself.

Completely.

When I was young I had no sense of myself. All I was, was a product of all the fear and humiliation I suffered. Fear of my parents. The humiliation of teachers calling me “garbage can” and telling me I’d be mowing lawns for a living. And the very real terror of my fellow students. I was threatened and beaten up for the color of my skin and my size. I was skinny and clumsy, and when others would tease me I didn’t run home crying, wondering why.


I knew all too well. I was there to be antagonized. In sports I was laughed at. A spaz. I was pretty good at boxing but only because the rage that filled my every waking moment made me wild and unpredictable. I fought with some strange fury. The other boys thought I was crazy.

I hated myself all the time.

As stupid at it seems now, I wanted to talk like them, dress like them, carry myself with the ease of knowing that I wasn’t going to get pounded in the hallway between classes. Years passed and I learned to keep it all inside. I only talked to a few boys in my grade. Other losers. Some of them are to this day the greatest people I have ever known. Hang out with a guy who has had his head flushed down a toilet a few times, treat him with respect, and you’ll find a faithful friend forever. But even with friends, school sucked. Teachers gave me hard time. I didn’t think much of them either.

Then came Mr. Pepperman, my advisor. He was a powerfully built Vietnam veteran, and he was scary. No one ever talked out of turn in his class. Once one kid did and Mr. P. lifted him off the ground and pinned him to the blackboard. Mr. P. could see that I was in bad shape, and one Friday in October he asked me if I had ever worked out with weights. I told him no. He told me that I was going to take some of the money that I had saved and buy a hundred-pound set of weights at Sears. As I left his office, I started to think of things I would say to him on Monday when he asked about the weights that I was not going to buy. Still, it made me feel special. My father never really got that close to caring. On Saturday I bought the weights, but I couldn’t even drag them to my mom’s car. An attendant laughed at me as he put them on a dolly.
Monday came and I was called into Mr. P.’s office after school. He said that he was going to show me how to work out. He was going to put me on a program and start hitting me in the solar plexus in the hallway when I wasn’t looking. When I could take the punch we would know that we were getting somewhere. At no time was I to look at myself in the mirror or tell anyone at school what I was doing. In the gym he showed me ten basic exercises. I paid more attention than I ever did in any of my classes. I didn’t want to blow it. I went home that night and started right in.

Weeks passed, and every once in a while Mr. P. would give me a shot and drop me in the hallway, sending my books flying. The other students didn’t know what to think. More weeks passed, and I was steadily adding new weights to the bar. I could sense the power inside my body growing. I could feel it.
Right before Christmas break I was walking to class, and from out of nowhere Mr. Pepperman appeared and gave me a shot in the chest. I laughed and kept going. He said I could look at myself now. I got home and ran to the bathroom and pulled off my shirt. I saw a body, not just the shell that housed my stomach and my heart. My biceps bulged. My chest had definition. I felt strong. It was the first time I can remember having a sense of myself. I had done something and no one could ever take it away. You couldn’t say s–t to me.
It took me years to fully appreciate the value of the lessons I have learned from the Iron. I used to think that it was my adversary, that I was trying to lift that which does not want to be lifted. I was wrong. When the Iron doesn’t want to come off the mat, it’s the kindest thing it can do for you. If it flew up and went through the ceiling, it wouldn’t teach you anything. That’s the way the Iron talks to you. It tells you that the material you work with is that which you will come to resemble. That which you work against will always work against you.
It wasn’t until my late twenties that I learned that by working out I had given myself a great gift. I learned that nothing good comes without work and a certain amount of pain. When I finish a set that leaves me shaking, I know more about myself. When something gets bad, I know it can’t be as bad as that workout.
I used to fight the pain, but recently this became clear to me: pain is not my enemy; it is my call to greatness. But when dealing with the Iron, one must be careful to interpret the pain correctly. Most injuries involving the Iron come from ego. I once spent a few weeks lifting weight that my body wasn’t ready for and spent a few months not picking up anything heavier than a fork. Try to lift what you’re not prepared to and the Iron will teach you a little lesson in restraint and self-control.

I have never met a truly strong person who didn’t have self-respect. I think a lot of inwardly and outwardly directed contempt passes itself off as self-respect: the idea of raising yourself by stepping on someone’s shoulders instead of doing it yourself. When I see guys working out for cosmetic reasons, I see vanity exposing them in the worst way, as cartoon characters, billboards for imbalance and insecurity. Strength reveals itself through character. It is the difference between bouncers who get off strong-arming people and Mr.Pepperman.
Muscle mass does not always equal strength. Strength is kindness and sensitivity. Strength is understanding that your power is both physical and emotional. That it comes from the body and the mind. And the heart.
Yukio Mishima said that he could not entertain the idea of romance if he was not strong. Romance is such a strong and overwhelming passion, a weakened body cannot sustain it for long. I have some of my most romantic thoughts when I am with the Iron. Once I was in love with a woman. I thought about her the most when the pain from a workout was racing through my body.
Everything in me wanted her. So much so that sex was only a fraction of my total desire. It was the single most intense love I have ever felt, but she lived far away and I didn’t see her very often. Working out was a healthy way of dealing with the loneliness. To this day, when I work out I usually listen to ballads.

I prefer to work out alone.

It enables me to concentrate on the lessons that the Iron has for me. Learning about what you’re made of is always time well spent, and I have found no better teacher. The Iron had taught me how to live. Life is capable of driving you out of your mind. The way it all comes down these days, it’s some kind of miracle if you’re not insane. People have become separated from their bodies. They are no longer whole.
I see them move from their offices to their cars and on to their suburban homes. They stress out constantly, they lose sleep, they eat badly. And they behave badly. Their egos run wild; they become motivated by that which will eventually give them a massive stroke. They need the Iron Mind.
Through the years, I have combined meditation, action, and the Iron into a single strength. I believe that when the body is strong, the mind thinks strong thoughts. Time spent away from the Iron makes my mind degenerate. I wallow in a thick depression. My body shuts down my mind.
The Iron is the best antidepressant I have ever found. There is no better way to fight weakness than with strength. Once the mind and body have been awakened to their true potential, it’s impossible to turn back.
The Iron never lies to you. You can walk outside and listen to all kinds of talk, get told that you’re a god or a total bastard. The Iron will always kick you the real deal. The Iron is the great reference point, the all-knowing perspective giver. Always there like a beacon in the pitch black. I have found the Iron to be my greatest friend. It never freaks out on me, never runs. Friends may come and go. But two hundred pounds is always two hundred pounds.

The Weight of Water

Posted in Uncategorized on March 9th, 2011 by Angry Bike Guys – Be the first to comment
The last year in training has been bookended by two floods — two biblical, once-in-a-hundered-year floods – the type that sweep away homes and cars (or maybe the type that result in just enough water to seep into a basement to be expensive — I’m still emotional about it). The brilliant bronzed beech hardwoord flooring I had installed in my mancave was destroyed both times. I loved that floor, but nature had other plans. Flood me once, shame on you. Flood me again, well, er, you can’t be flooded again. Or so I thought. 

In the time between the two floods much had transpired in the next room — the modest two car garage converted into home gym. I had been working out and lifting weights with Cheryl for several years — just the two of us. Over that time, one may stop by for a session, have trouble finishing the workout, leave frustrated and never come back. In April that changed — a friend of ours was in need of a mental diversion — he asked to join one of our workouts and we gladly obliged. And so it began — for nearly 35 weeks straight a group assembled to lift, throw, push and pull, jump, run, squat and lunge. I think the neighbors were as much entertained as they were confused. Afterwards we would barbecue and empty kegs of homebrew. This was not a bad way to spend a summer.

As the days grew shorter and the temperature colder, attendance fell out, but a few core members stuck around — those being the other two ABG authors, Buck and Griz. You see, these group sessions were a catalyst for bigger change. Around September I started to take everything more seriously. I stopped drinking beer after training, dialed in my diet and shifted the workouts away from the 500-rep “grab bag” style sessions to focused, simplified movements with ramped up weight and intensity. Soon after the other two followed. Beer and pizza was replaced with protein and fish oil. We fed off each other and the change has been profound. In a few short months of dedicated training, everyone is deadlifting over 2x bodyweight and I’m 15lbs away from 3x. Griz owns every rowing record in the gym and most of the overhead lifting records, too. Perhaps the most important shift from all has been the gains in mental strength: this winter sucked horribly, and yet we trained in my cold garage 4 to 5 times a week despite the conditions. There was no compromise and now we’re reaping the rewards. Griz has discovered a love for weight training; Buck has lifted loads in weeks that took me years to pull, and I’m able to look at the concrete floors of my once beautiful mancave and know that this will be alright because “things” can be replaced and I’m still able to train another day — clarity discovered under the weight of the bar.

 

 

 

Bikes & Beer

Posted in Reviews on March 1st, 2011 by Angry Bike Guys – Be the first to comment

Bikes & beer go together. Here are a few reviews of my favorite post-ride beers:

Budweiser Select 55

The clearest beer on the planet – pristine & true. I can taste the fine malted barley and fresh hops. After a long bike ride I could easily drink a keg of this stuff. Not only would it be refreshing, but it would also replenish my lost electrolytes. I want something light after working out. It’s easy for brewers to hide mistakes in the sludge-like consistency of an imperial stout, but there is no room to hide anything in Bud Select 55. Luckily there are no mistakes. It’s perfect. Gulpable all day long.

Appearence:
Beautiful & golden.

Smell:
Smells like I’m standing over a kettle of boiling wort. Delicious.

Taste:
Hints of biscuit and passion fruit. Toffee.

Mouthfeel:
Smooth like teflon. Like drinking marshmellow flush warmed in the microwave. Slides right down my beer hole.

Drinkability:
Like I said, I could drink this by the keg. I’m going to be using Bud Select 55 instead of water on some of my longer endurance rides this spring.

Hell Or High Watermelon Wheat

My favorite beer from my time spent in San Francisco.

I would ride to the brewery at lunch to enjoy a few — always served with a slice of watermelon. Can’t say I got much done those days.

Other times I’d pick up a growler to share with friends. Ten extra pounds of awkward weight on my bicycle, climbing steep San Francisco streets, meant that I had to earn this brew. Ever climb an 18% grade hill with 2 growlers on your back? I assure you it makes the beer taste that much better.

This is the best watermelon ale out there — the flavor doesn’t taste contrived. Hooker and Opa’s watermelon ales taste a bit too artificial for my liking; a little too heavy on the extract. 21A gets it right.

Michelob Ultra Lime Cactus

You just burned a couple thousand calories on the bike. Why put them back on with a surly stout or pretentious porter? This beer is neither. Michelob makes honest, quality beers for hard working Americans. The Ultra Lime Cactus is definitely their pinnacle brew; a true epiphany in a bottle. Even tastier than the Pom Wheat. Keeping with the theme of simplicity and American pride, the bottle is twist-off which makes it even easier to quaff post-ride. My hands are sensitive and tender after a long excursion on the bicycle; I’m told Michelob’s caps are tightened to a precise 2.8n/m which makes them easy to twist off, but ensures maximum oxygen barrier capacity. No detail is ignored. Step back and take a good look: From the light blocking clear bottles to the Neuvo-Americano label design, the true treasure is all around — not just in the brew. The Ultra Lime Cactus (or ULC as I call it) is an experience not to be rushed.

Michelob Ultra Pomegranate Raspberry

I used to be into big beers… but my palate has changed over the years. Now I enjoy light, refreshing fruit beers. Especially after a long bike ride.

This brew is delicious! I’ll be drinking many more this summer. It’s just as tasty as other fruit beers, but not as heavy!

Re-Motivated

Posted in Uncategorized on February 14th, 2011 by Angry Bike Guys – Be the first to comment

Buck here.

I feel like i’ve been dogging my workouts lately. The motivation just isn’t there. After we moved from straight lifting to a lifting\metcon combo I’ve had a hard time keeping the faith.

Until this morning. I woke up, fed my man cats, watched some Swole Patrol videos and manned up my oatmeal by loading it with protein powder. This weekend was an eye opener into why we do what we do here. Why we strive to dominate the A group and sacrifice during these winter months.

So what happened? I reconnected with an estranged friend. The months away from him have been simplified. Wake, work, workout, sleep and eat healthy. I’ve reduced my friend list to the two I workout with and honestly enjoy the hell out of my routine.

So I get conned into getting a beer with this old friend. Typical situation as soon as he arrives (late which pissed me off). He takes 10 minutes to order a drink, another 15 to order the worst pub food on the menu while a cloud of estrogen gas engulfs our bar stools as he talks about office work and other topics no less feminine. Now this friend isn’t a fat ass, far from it. He’s actually quite fit. The problem is that he isn’t swole and lacks the confidence and fortitude of a man. He boasted about riding 30 miles on his indoor bike trainer earlier in the day and I died inside from the boredom and lack of raw strength stimulation.

I knew the rest of the day would be filled with regret so I napped it away while watching documentaries on agro topics like serial killing and apartheid. I then woke up this morning re-motivated and committed to my training (like a man).

What’s Your Power Song?

Posted in Uncategorized on February 10th, 2011 by Angry Bike Guys – Be the first to comment
I find inspiration in the music I listen to while training. I like bands that actually workout and lift weights. After all, how can I be inspired by a bunch of guys that look like this?
I don’t care how hardcore their music is, yelling (crying, really) unintelligible nonsense about what Dad did or didn’t do 15 years ago doesn’t make you tough and strong. It makes you a pussy. When an authentic power song comes on you know it — the integrity and intensity comes through in the first riff, or in the case my power song, the first piano note:

Van Halen : Right Now

This song lead me to PRs in the 500m row and Deadlift. It also makes me thirsty with nostoglia for Clear Pepsi. Two reasons:
  1. It’s powerful, inspiring and deep. That’s obvious to anybody.
  2. Sammy Hagar is built like a bulldozer. He still loads-in all of his band’s gear 30 years after his first gig. He also runs the greatest tequila company in the world, Cabo Wabo. Before hitting the stage at night, he can be found at the distillery lifting heavy ass barrels or unloading pickup trucks full of sweet desert cactus and heaving them into the boiling vats for processing. This strength comes through in his music and inspires me to lift heavier!
What’s your power song?

Blue Monday

Posted in Uncategorized on January 21st, 2011 by Angry Bike Guys – Be the first to comment

Sometime between January 18 and 24th of 2011 is supposed to be the most depressed day of the year. As fate would have it today is the average of those two dates provided to us by infallible science. For me January is usually a month of 16-hour work days, little sleep, no weekends and a bad attitude. It is when I make a great deal of money and care about little else. In recent years my winter riding has been decimated by weather and work but while the snow keeps piling up work is definitely slower than normal. The economy has a much smaller impact on what I do for a living compared to many others but I’ve definitely noticed a change over the last seven months. The timing couldn’t have been worse having just bought a new house and car, with my monthly expenditures soaring. But in other ways the timing couldn’t be better. I have more time to work out which I do without fail four or five days a week. I have more time to spend with my pets. My attitude is the best I can remember. I don’t need drugs to stay motivated or push long hours. I’m eating better, sleeping better, living better. The hindsight of my situation is a conflicting image. I can’t say if I would have been better off taking this work-less-workout-more path five years ago or if the struggle, sacrifice and abuse of those times were necessary to get me to where I am now. Finding the right balance can be hard for someone that likes to dwell in extremes but as I get older I’m realizing how critical this is. Sometimes the balance point isn’t always in the center of the scale, either.

-Buck

Top of the Shop? WTF Does That Mean?

Posted in Uncategorized on January 14th, 2011 by Angry Bike Guys – Be the first to comment

If achieving goals were simple then New Year’s resolutions wouldn’t be necessary; you could define a goal at any point in time and the desired outcome would be guaranteed. We know for the majority that this isn’t true. January 1st offers that sudden surge of motivation, “I can do this; this time I mean it.”

But then why is it always the same?

  • Your friend stopped his P90x routine 6 days into the month.
  • Friday rolled around and your girlfriend felt entitled to a night out. After working 5 straight days tapping away at a computer, she deserved that bottle of wine and entire pizza. She earned it after all.
The problem? You’re doing it wrong!

Defining the Goal

How can you measure the abstract? What does “top of the shop” mean? Define your goals in concrete & measurable terms.

Wrong:
Come spring I’m going to be top of the shop.

Right:
For the shop rides starting in April, I’m going to ride with the A group, sprint the climbs, and finish in the top 5 every Tuesday.

Wrong:
I’m going to lose weight before the first ride of the year.

Right:
I’m going to lose 15lbs by April 1st, 2011.

Wrong:
I’m going to get swole before summer.

Right:
I’m going to improve my 5×5 squat by 70lbs by June 15th.

Don’t Forget

With the constant influx of information we process everyday it can be easy to lose sight of the goal. Write it down. Post it somewhere you can see it everyday: on your computer screen, dashboard of your car, the wallpaper of your cellphone. This is the first, and most important, rule of achieving any goal. Stop reading and do this now.

Tell Your Friends, Tell Everybody

Want to drop 15lbs? Add weight to your squat & deadlift? Tell your friends, family or post your intentions on a forum. Not only will these people most likely support your efforts, but more importantly, you’ll look like a real idiot (…and failure) if you don’t come through. Pride is a strong motivator. Don’t embarrass yourself.

Progress Must be Measurable, and It Must Be Measured

Success doesn’t happen overnight. Measure your progress day-by-day. Let’s take a look at a few examples:

Losing Weight:

Take progress photos every Saturday morning. Given the gradual nature of weight loss you won’t notice changes day-to-day or even week-to-week; it becomes easy to abandon a diet that doesn’t seem to be working. But collect several weeks of photos and scroll through them like a flip-book. The scale may have not changed, but muscles you haven’t seen in years will suddenly start to appear — one pixel at a time. This is real motivation.

Just the same, take measurements. Subtle changes between weeks may not be detected from your morning glance in the mirror. But small increments add up to real change given enough time.

Getting Strong:

Keep a written log of your workouts. Adding just a pound to the bar each session doesn’t seem like much, but it is progress nonetheless. Over several months these small increases in weight can add up to real strength.

It’s real easy to give up on a goal when it seems like progress isn’t being made. But you need to start recording your efforts: take photos, keep notes, write in a logbook.

Start From the Finish

Consider the goal, “I want to cut down to 7% body-fat.” How will you get there? One technique I like is to put yourself in the frame of mind of someone who has already achieved it. Ask yourself:

Q: “Would someone with 7% body-fat eat that pizza?”
A: Absolutely not.

Q: “Would someone with 7% body-fat go out and drink beers with the boys on Friday after hitting the gym?”
A: No, they would lift the weights, eat a balanced dinner and get plenty of sleep.

The answers come easily — there is very little thought, debate or internal conflict involved. Faced with a tough situation, answer as if you’ve already achieved the goal.

Flipped around and approached from the traditional point of view, it becomes obvious how easy it is to lose focus:

Q: “Should I eat that pizza?”
A: Yeah, it’s okay. I worked out really hard today which is more than I did last week. One slice won’t hurt.

Q: “Should I go out and drink beers with the boys on Friday after hitting the gym?”
A: It was a long week and I got all of my workouts in. I deserve a night out. I used to go out every Friday before I started going to the gym, so at least I got something in. I’m doing more than I used to.

TLDR: Too Long Didn’t Read

Achieving your goals is easy as long as you do it right. Having trouble making real change in your life? Try these simple steps instead of doing whatever it is you’re doing now (…and has never worked). So you want to be “top of the shop?” Define what that really means and get to work.

The Types of Bike Shops – Part 1

Posted in Uncategorized on January 9th, 2011 by Angry Bike Guys – Be the first to comment

Making the leap from department store to a real bicycle dealer means having to choose a shop. During my sixteen years on a real bike I’ve had experiences with all the local players and have never found one that doesn’t come with baggage. From attitude to incompetence I present to you the types of local bike stores you may encounter as you test the waters.

The Mom & Pop Shop

A family-friendly approach to selling bicycles is actually a pretty smart idea. Since a shop pays its bills selling low-end bikes it makes sense to cater to new and growing families. The customer usually won’t have a great knowledge of what they’re buying and lucky for them the owners usually don’t have a great knowledge of what they’re selling. A mid-life career crisis and the burn of the American Dream can drive even the most mild-mannered mid-40s-something couple to risk it all and buy a bike shop. They can then hire an equally incompetent yet super excited staff, design a logo that looks like refrigerator art from the nearby daycare and charge $12 for an inner tube. They probably mean well but the inexperience shines bright when directional tires are installed backwards and brake rotors are cleaned with chain lube.

The Big Guys Shop

Proudly sporting consecutive Top-100 Bicycle Retailer stickers at every turn, these guys usually know their stuff. Unlike the Mom & Pop Shop they can afford to stock high-end parts and if you have a real problem they have real answers. However, even these shops make money by turnover and can botch an overhaul just as quickly as the next guy. Spoiler Alert: No shop will actually overhaul your bike properly. Learn to do it yourself or pay the best mechanic in your riding group to do it for you. The owners can be found wandering the sales floor preaching the gospel on why you need more inches in your suspension or why your brand just doesn’t cut it. If you bark back you may earn a little respect and your future visits will be rife with playful jabs at your respective part and trail preferences. This shop is your best bet.

The Multisport Shop

In a world where we’re all so busy who wouldn’t want a shop that sells not only bicycles but skis, snowboards, kayaks, canoes, triathlon gear and salted soft pretzels? This guy. There is already far too much to know about the bike industry that any proprietor who thinks he can keep tabs on all of it and six other sports is living a pipe dream. With almost two decades of bicycle knowledge crammed into my head I am smarter than any bicycle shop employee I have ever come across. If it is upgrade season I can likely recite the weight of parts down to the hundredth of a gram. I know racing. I know gear. I know history. Yet with all this focus I still don’t know it all. Keep that in mind the next time a powder junkie snowboarder is installing new bearings in your full suspension frame or the white water rafting guide is truing your $1000 wheelset.

Road biking? It doesn’t interest me really…

Posted in Rants on December 10th, 2010 by Angry Bike Guys – Be the first to comment

I don’t read the articles that Buck and Griz send out. I don’t know most of the names they toss around. I don’t pay attention to the results or know the history of the races. I don’t care about the rivalries or the controversies or the latest news.

The reason is simple. Male road cyclists have stopped resembling actual men. The sport is overcome with riders who take pride in their pear shaped bodies — incapable of passing grade school fitness tests; the very thought of lifting one’s own body weight a foreign concept. The lack of television coverage is not surprising. If I wanted to watch women compete I’d tune into a WNBA game. As much as it hurts me to admit this, there still exists a faint sense of masculinity as they drive for the hole. Frail and fledging roadies “pushing the big ring” or “throwing down the hammer”? Not so much.

Mario Cipollini may be the only voice of reason within the professional ranks. I like this guy. He looks like a mix between House and Wolverine.


“Machismo is disappearing, I can’t find it in Contador,” he complained. “Contador has the anonymous face of a surveyor or an accountant.”

“I read an interview with Umberto Veronesi, a scientist, a reputed oncologist and Minister for Health,” Cipollini continued. “In five hundred years or more, human beings might have both sets of genitalia, male and female. I don’t want this evolution to have started already in cycling…”

Perhaps it’s not a long shot to consider that road cyclists inject testosterone because their bodies have long since stopped producing it. The performance enhancing effects are moot when you’re grasping to maintain your gender identity.

Moving on, the practice of men shaving their legs is so absurd I will not go into much detail.

“But, the wind …” bitch.
“But, pros do i…” bitch.
“But, It makes m..” bitch.

You’re a fucking bitch.

Continuing on that topic, where are all of the beards? Why are road cyclist always so hairless and clean?

Twink:

A term often used to describe a youthful homosexual male, who is smooth-bodied, only slightly-muscular, with little or no body hair, and has a semi-athletic build. From “twinkie” (as in Hostess twinkie)- soft and full of cream.

Speed and strength are not mutually exclusive. Denying one’s very manhood for the perceived performance benefits (or, worse yet, to find alignment with the current homo-centric trends in cycling) is a crime against nature and self.

Playing the odds, you will not become a professional cyclist. You will not make any money doing this. You will soon be a 40 year old business analyst sitting at a desk. And you will be weak. Had you grown a beard, lifted some weight, and toughened the fuck up when you were 25 this wouldn’t a be a problem. There was no reason (aside from your faulty logic and misguided beliefs) you couldn’t be both strong and fast. But now your neighbor intimidates you and hire movers when it’s time to move into your next home, pink walls to appease your wife.