Two Men Enter, One Man Leaves

The next motherfucker that sits on my wheel and doesn’t take a pull is going to get Flair chopped off their fucking bike or get snotted on.

I’m not some skinny prick climber, but I can haul ass on the flats. So much so that people always try to get on my wheel in a pace line. Not a problem, but you better pull through when I’m done.

If I don’t feel like riding in a pace line that day I sit back off the wheels. Only fair. I’ve rode with a guys that will get within one bike of the front of the line and then fucking magically sit up to drink some water and eat a gel. FUCK YOU ASSHOLE, DRINK SOME JIZZ AND EAT A COCK (for anyone gay reading this, the guys in question aren’t gay so they would really dislike jizz and cocks).

To add insult to injury, one guy in particular only takes pulls going down hill. THAT DOESN’T FUCKING COUNT!!! When you decend like a fucking helium balloon that just slipped out of some crying kid’s hand, get the fuck out of my way.

I ride and have rode with guys that are slower riders and that’s kool-n-the-gang because everyone rides at their own levels. Having trouble hanging on? You sit right in my slipstream and draft off of me all the way back. Good job pushing yourself to be better. But for a cocksucker that takes no pulls and then tries to jump off on the hills like a fucking halfassed GC contender, I have made it my mission to make every shop ride the most miserable fucking experience in the world for him.

So we ( show up for the first shop ride of the year and here’s this dude in a full local team kit acting like he’s going to tear some legs off. So half way through the ride all this jerkoff has done is sit on my wheel. I don’t know you, get the fuck off my wheel. So I hit the gas a dropped him. Fuck him.

Next couple of rides, same fucking deal. That’s when I decided to really put the screws to him. Everytime he sits on my wheel now I slowly start speeding up until I see him slipping back off my wheel. Then I’ll slow down, let him get back on, and then do the same thing all over. Lather, rise, and repeat as needed douchebag.

Funny thing is, he’ll still try and jump off and I just chase him down. Then when he turns around to look where everyone is at and sees me smiling back he just sits up and waits for everyone to catch back up.

What he does is just a slap to the face of every rider who is doing this for fun, exercise, or both. If you want to race, go try and find a team. One thing to always keep in mind; there is always someone out there that’s better than you are. So be respectful asshole.


Leave a Reply