To all the ladies in the place with style and grace…

This is an open letter to all women, young and old.

Please, ladies, allow me to apologize on behalf of the men of Angrybikeguys.com. Now, I know that some of these stories have a misogenistic spin to them, but by now you must realize that cycling is quite a boys club. I am here to say that I believe this needs to end!!!

Look, just because you’re naturally less athletic than your male counterparts does not mean that you shouldn’t ride. Quite the contrary, with the advent of womens specific designing of bikes and clothing, you should be out there riding showing off those pretty pastel colors. Ride, ride, and ride some more. That’s the only way to IMPROVE those abilities waiting to shine, DISPROVE the notion that women can’t cycle, and PROVE to the smelly, knuckle haired males that you are better.

You might not like training hard, heck, most women don’t. But, do you think I like training hard? No, I don’t. But, I like proving people wrong, so I get out there and ride as much as I can. So saddle up and start riding as hard and furious as you can.

You might not like wearing lycra either, but do you think I do lycra? Heck no, I don’t. Just like you, I fear that some disgusting male might be oggling my body. But, you need to ignore the fact that the lycra conforms to every curve of your feminine body, and do it for the wind resistance and sweat wicking benefits that it offers. I plead with you, step up to the challenge for the greater good of all women-kind.

Don’t forget, you have equal rights too. Go ahead, unzip that jersey all the way like the men do on hot days. When the guys start staring at your breasts, turn and point at those dirty males and say, “I’m a cyclist, not a piece of meat!!!”

And, what about the fact that those filthy males don’t wait for the end of a ride to urinate, but do it on the side of the road. So, I say, why should you? Exercise your equal rights and pull down the front of those bib shorts, like every other hairy mouth breathing man has done, and let that golden stream of freedom fly.

Its the 21st century, time to show men what you are made of. I say that you should rally, throw on the tightest bike clothing you can find, and hit the streets on your bikes. Fill out those jerseys and fill up those streets. Moan and groan you’re way to the top of that literal and figurative hill. Allow those bib shorts to show the size of your butt and the size of your heart. Let it be known that women are here to ride.

Like they say, “Think globally. Act Locally.” With this in mind, I feel its my duty to let you know that, not only the shop ride I attend, but all of the roads I ride need a real feminine kick in the ass!!! So, feel free to contact me as I will be organizing a female only group ride in protest where I will act as grand marshal to prove my solidarity in this movement. I will be conducting one-on-one interviews shortly and will require that you wear your cycling clothing. But for ladies that do not own cycling clothing, please don’t worry, you will not be left out. Feel free to wear any lingerie that you feel appropriate.

-griz-

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