The Floyd Fingerblastedyou Fund

Floyd Landis says he vows to pay back everyone that contributed to the Floyd Fairness Fund. I fucked a girl one time that I vowed to call the next day. I think she still might be waiting by the phone.

Floyd did the same thing, but on one hell of a bigger scale. Its like he walked in to the bar full of suckers and said “hey, I’m a TdF winner and I’m clean,” took them back to their place (because you never let them know where you live), “accidentally” slipped it in their ass and blamed it on the whiskey, took off while they were sleeping, and called back a couple years later and said, “hey…um…I’ve tested positive, but…uh…well…I was clean when ya let me raw dog ya, but…eh…ya still might wanna get tested. I’m sorry though. I’ll make it up ta ya eventually.”

A buddy hooks me up with a sixer, I can get them back next week. If someone loans me a million plus that’s a different story. Might take a couple years seeing as I’m not rich or have rich friends. On the other hand, I might just learn spanish and get the fuck outta dodge.

Personally, I think Floyd should start hustling local shop rides. He’s been out of the lime light so long that people probably wouldn’t recognize him. Plus, he’s been going for the hobo look lately so that would make it even tougher to figure out who it was. He could rake in tens of dollars a day!!! And, the cherry on top, he could dope all he wants because there isn’t any of that pussy ass testing at shop rides.

Remember that solo ride he took off on that lead to his TdF win? Man, imagine a doped to the gills Floyd lapping you at your weekly shop ride. Shit, I’d pay 10 bucks for that. Maybe even buy him a slice and a beer. It would be like those porno movies where the guy pays some ‘roided out girl to beat the shit out of him or some fat ass girl to sit on his face and smother him. You’d essentially be paying for some masochistic bike ride ass whoopin’.

What about just straight up selling his blood? Now, I know that it would only be limited to people with that blood type, but what a post-ride add on that would be. He could jump off his bike and scream, “BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE!!!” Next thing you know, he’s whipped out a plastic cooler filled with bags of blood. Shit, for a couple bucks more he could sign the bag and take a picture with you holding it up and smiling. A couple years of that, shit, he’ll be straight ballin’.


Leave a Reply