Archive for October, 2010

To all the ladies in the place with style and grace…

Posted in Uncategorized on October 26th, 2010 by Angry Bike Guys – Be the first to comment

This is an open letter to all women, young and old.

Please, ladies, allow me to apologize on behalf of the men of Angrybikeguys.com. Now, I know that some of these stories have a misogenistic spin to them, but by now you must realize that cycling is quite a boys club. I am here to say that I believe this needs to end!!!

Look, just because you’re naturally less athletic than your male counterparts does not mean that you shouldn’t ride. Quite the contrary, with the advent of womens specific designing of bikes and clothing, you should be out there riding showing off those pretty pastel colors. Ride, ride, and ride some more. That’s the only way to IMPROVE those abilities waiting to shine, DISPROVE the notion that women can’t cycle, and PROVE to the smelly, knuckle haired males that you are better.

You might not like training hard, heck, most women don’t. But, do you think I like training hard? No, I don’t. But, I like proving people wrong, so I get out there and ride as much as I can. So saddle up and start riding as hard and furious as you can.

You might not like wearing lycra either, but do you think I do lycra? Heck no, I don’t. Just like you, I fear that some disgusting male might be oggling my body. But, you need to ignore the fact that the lycra conforms to every curve of your feminine body, and do it for the wind resistance and sweat wicking benefits that it offers. I plead with you, step up to the challenge for the greater good of all women-kind.

Don’t forget, you have equal rights too. Go ahead, unzip that jersey all the way like the men do on hot days. When the guys start staring at your breasts, turn and point at those dirty males and say, “I’m a cyclist, not a piece of meat!!!”

And, what about the fact that those filthy males don’t wait for the end of a ride to urinate, but do it on the side of the road. So, I say, why should you? Exercise your equal rights and pull down the front of those bib shorts, like every other hairy mouth breathing man has done, and let that golden stream of freedom fly.

Its the 21st century, time to show men what you are made of. I say that you should rally, throw on the tightest bike clothing you can find, and hit the streets on your bikes. Fill out those jerseys and fill up those streets. Moan and groan you’re way to the top of that literal and figurative hill. Allow those bib shorts to show the size of your butt and the size of your heart. Let it be known that women are here to ride.

Like they say, “Think globally. Act Locally.” With this in mind, I feel its my duty to let you know that, not only the shop ride I attend, but all of the roads I ride need a real feminine kick in the ass!!! So, feel free to contact me as I will be organizing a female only group ride in protest where I will act as grand marshal to prove my solidarity in this movement. I will be conducting one-on-one interviews shortly and will require that you wear your cycling clothing. But for ladies that do not own cycling clothing, please don’t worry, you will not be left out. Feel free to wear any lingerie that you feel appropriate.

-griz-

Who is Griz? #2

Posted in Who Is Griz on October 26th, 2010 by Angry Bike Guys – Be the first to comment

I think if Freddie Mercury of Queen was in to chicks at all he wouldn’t of told the fat bottomed girls to get on their bikes and ride.

-griz-

Who is Griz?

Posted in Who Is Griz on October 26th, 2010 by Angry Bike Guys – Be the first to comment

Well Angry Bike People, here’s my new little dealie. Dip your little piggies in to Lake Griz. Its all short thoughts in my vernacular. Some might become stories some won’t. Rock on.

I don’t go for long bike rides and then go to strip clubs cuz I most likely won’t get a boner when I get a lap dance from my saddle repeatedly taint punchin’ me and a lap dance without a hard on is a waste of cash.

-griz-

Revenge is a dish best served in the middle of the road

Posted in Rants on October 26th, 2010 by Angry Bike Guys – Be the first to comment

One of my favorite cycling phrases is “you fucking cunt”. I use it at least once every ride. And, no ladies, I don’t just yell it at females, I yell it at everything. Men, women, animals, potholes, school busses, everything.

Sometimes it’ll become, “fuck-you you fucking cunt”, or “oh, you fucking dirty cunt”, or one of my favorites “fuck-you, you fucking cocksucking cunt”. The F2YF2C is reserved for those special occasions. Occasions like when this fucking old bitch, not only cut me off, but stared straight at me the whole time. “Fuck-you, you fucking cocksucking cunt”. By the time I got back up to speed I couldn’t chase her down. Oh the one that got away.

Fucking motorists tend to forget or just don’t even realize how fast you can actually go on a road bike. They also don’t understand the rules of the road, and that’s why I get pissed and have retaliated. Yes, sweet sweet retaliation.

The best ones are when they think they’re being oh-so fucking clever by passing you out and almost hitting you or riding your ass and almost hitting you, but then they get stuck at a stop light with you. Coincidentally, I have two stories about that.

I was 75 miles in to what would become a 110 mile ride. I’m on the shoulder of a four lane road (two north, two south) and I hear this wicked loud and lifted truck coming along. My first thought was, “this guy’s gonna buzz me.” Wouldn’t you know it, I was wrong. The dude swung over in to the next lane to give me room. Cool, right? So, seconds later after he swings over this dumb cunt comes flying up the road trying to beat him to the spot where the two lanes converge in to one. Well, needless to say, she came within inches of hitting both of us. He laid on his horn, but I doubt she cared. As luck would have it though, the light ahead just turned red and she got stuck at it. I’ve been through this light before and knew I had about 30 seconds before she would get the green. I grabbed my bottle and took a little swig, just enough to wet the inside of my mouth. Next, I proceeded to hawk up the biggest red Gatorade tinted mucus ball I could and spit it right on her rear passenger window as I passed her in hopes that it would be nicely wind smeared and crusty by the time she found it. The dude in the truck started screaming “YEAH” and honking his horn. Glad I could make someones day a little better.

Another time I was descending a hill in my town when I noticed that a guy in a grey Ford Exploder was right on my wheel like he was fucking drafting off of me. Now, this hill I was coming down is decently steep so I’m doing at the very least the speed limit. It’s also twisty with rough shoulders so I tend to move a little ways away from the curb (my state’s law says that I can be in the middle of the lane if I need to) in case there is something around a blind corner. Well, I’m trucking along, but this cocksucking asshole is right on me, plus he has a kid in the fucking car with him. Next thing you know, he starts flashing his lights and revving his engine behind me, but the fucker won’t pass me. I finally come up to a right hand turn so I put my arm up to signal that I’m turning and act like I’m making the turn and the guy finally blows past me. At this point I could see that the light at the bottom of the hill was green for a while, so I took my chances that he’d be stuck at the red light and decided to chase after him. Wouldn’t you know it, there he is stuck at the red light and with it being a such a spectacular summer day I happen to notice that he has his windows rolled down. Well, I got right up next to him and said, “Hey you fucking asshole, I have the right-of-way,” and then looked at the kid and said, “Your dad’s a faggot.” Maybe the kid will grow up smarter now, who knows?

-griz-

Is it a cycling term or sex slang?

Posted in Uncategorized on October 26th, 2010 by Angry Bike Guys – Be the first to comment

Bonk
Cycling Term (CT) – The physical effects of not taking on enough carbohydrates, electrolytes, protein, and potassium to fuel and maintain muscles over long periods of use
Actual Use (AU) – I bonked so hard I could barely pedal to make it home.

Sex Slang (SS) – a synonym for the physical act definition of “sex” typically used by dorks and/or nerds
AU – Come check out this video of Link bonking Zelda.

Chest strap
CT – a nickname for the sending unit side of a heart rate monitor system that is placed across your chest
AU – I put on my chest strap to monitor my heart rate for the race.

SS – a bra for a very small chested or flat chested female due to the lack of any substantial material
AU – That’s girls titties are so small all she needs is a chest strap to cover her nips.

Clincher
CT – a tire that hooks to your rim via two small bead areas that are at the edge of each tire
AU – I put my new clinchers on before the long ride today.

SS – a word to describe the relative tightness of a hand, vaginal cavity, or anal cavity on a penis
AU – That girl’s snatch was such a clincher I thought my crank was gonna tear off.

Crank
CT – The name given to the set of gearing and pedal arms that affixes through the bottom bracket
AU – I put new 50/34 chainrings on my crank for better climbing.

SS – term for the part of the male organs know as the “penis”
AU – I had to piss so bad I whipped my crank out right there on the side of the road.

Crank Puller
CT – tool used to remove the drive side and non-drive side arms of an isis, octolink, square taper, etc. crankset
AU – I had to use the crank puller to get that mid 90’s crankset off

SS – the name given to a person known for giving penile manual masterbation utilizing the towards the body/away from the body, overhand pulling motion
AU – She went with a little crank puller action when I was about to blow my load.

Flat
CT – when the tube of a tire has a leak that allows all of the air inside to escape thus not supporting the tire
AU – When I hit that glass I got a flat.

SS- term for a female with very small breasts
AU – That girl was as flat as fried egg.

Glove
CT – an item worn on the hand to first, provide a positive grip on a bike’s handlebars regardless of wetness due to sweat, water, or any other liquids
AU – My new gloves have extra padding for long rides.

SS – a birth control and sexually transmitted disease protection device typically made of latex that is placed over the penis before sexual intercourse
AU – I can’t feel nuthin’ wearing that glove. Am I in yet?

Grip
CT – term given to the overall traction of a tire taking in to consideration acceleration, handling, braking, and rolling resistance
AU – My new clinchers have some real grip on the road.

SS – the relative tightness of a hand, vaginal cavity, or anal cavity
AU – She had such a tight grip my crank is sore from that hand job.

Gel
CT – a type of food stuff that contains large amounts of carbohydrates, electrolytes, and potassium, designed for easy digestion
AU – I eat a gel every 45 minutes to stay fueled on long rides.

SS – a nickname for an extremely sticky discharge of semen, supposedly designed for easy digestion by certain people
AU – That gel was all caught up in her hair after she showed me the crank puller.

Hammering
CT – a hard downward stomping motion on the pedals used during sprinting, attacking or counter attacking for short quick bursts of speed
AU – I started hammering to create a separation amongst the other riders.

SS – a hard sexual thrusting accompanied by a skin to skin slapping sound
AU – She begged me to start hammering her as she got close to orgasm.

Headlights
CT – a front ward facing incandescent or LED bulb used to illuminate the area in front a the bike
AU – I put on my headlights for the night ride.

SS – a nickname for a womans medium sized breasts
AU – Check out the wicked nice headlights on that chick.

Helmet
CT – a hard protective shell with a foam core, worn on one’s head, designed to break on impact to absorb traumatic force rather than transfer it
AU – When I crashed my helmet shattered, but I didn’t crack my skull.

SS – the tip, or head, of a penis
AU – She grabbed my crank so hard its fucking helmet turned purple.

Hood
CT – the top area of a road style brake/shifter where you commonly rest your hands when riding at a sustained normal pace
AU – The handlebar tape right by my hoods is worn out from use.

SS – the inside of the labial lips that, when pulled apart, overhangs the vaginal entrance
AU – When I was eating her out I gave her hood a little nibble because I knew she loved it.

Indexing
CT – Adjusting the gear shifting of the front and/or rear derailleur for proper engagement and disengagement
AU – My indexing was off, so I kept missing a shift.

SS – the digital stimulation of any sexual orifice using the index finger
AU – I was warming her up with a little indexing, but accidentally got too excited and poked her butt hole.

Lube
CT – a silicone, petroleum, or wax based liquid that is applied on to the chain, slide points and pivot points of a bike to maximize wear, reduce friction, and prevent rust
AU – I put some lube on my chain after riding in the rain.

SS – typically a water based liquid or gel that is applied on to any sexual organ or “sex toy”, or applied in to any sexual orifice.
AU – Seeing as though she was 65 years old I figured I better bring some extra lube to help combat dryness.

Nipple
CT – small brass or alloy piece that connects the spokes to a wheel’s hub or rim, helps to set the tension, and allows for wheel truing
AU – The bike shop told me my wheel’s nipples were corroded and they couldn’t true the bent rim.

SS – a small raised area of errectile tissue located on one’s breast
AU – She begged me to bite one nipple hard while I pinched the other with a clothespin.

Plug
CT – a small piece of plastic used to close any holes that are needed in a frame or other components to aid in manufacturing
AU – I removed the plug from my frame to try and get out any excess moisture.

SS – a device used to stretch a sexual orifice to help ease insertion
AU – Unfortunately after a night of eating tex-mex he couldn’t get his plug out in time and he shit on his hand.

Rim
CT – the ring-like metal or carbon fiber part of a wheel that the tire is placed on; held to the hub by nipples and spokes
AU – I needed a new rim because the sides of my old one were worn out from braking.

SS – the sphincter area located around the anus
AU – I can’t believe she farted when I was giving her a rim job.

Sitting-on
CT – when a cyclist will sit in the draft created by another cyclist to actively recover from a period of high intensity riding, to conserve energy for later use, or to discourage other cyclists from high intensity riding
AU – He was sitting-on in an attempt to cause the other riders in the breakaway to stop working with each other

SS – typically done by a female, during what’s called a “69”, when she will sit upright on to the person’s face who is laying beneath
AU – I was eating her out so good she just started sitting-on and riding my face.

Spin
CT – the name given to the most efficient pedal stroke movement
AU – I practiced all off season to be smoother with my pedal spin.

SS – the act of rotating your sexual partner up to or beyond 90 degrees, who at the time must be seated on top of you with penis inserted in to their sexual orifice, as to not remove said penis
AU – She was riding me riding me cowgirl style, then I had her spin and ride me side saddle.

Sprinter
CT – a cyclist that specializes in short, fast finishes towards the end of a race
AU – The sprinters are looking forward to the flat run-in at the end of today’s stage.

SS – a person that reaches sexual climax quickly with disregard to their other sexual partner(s)
AU – She stopped calling him after her friend told her that guy she met was a notorious sprinter.

Train
CT – the formation of riders in a line, rear wheel to front wheel, to create lower wind resistance when moving forward, also known as a pace line
AU – The team executed a perfect train for the whole team time trial.

SS – when a person performs a sexual act on a line of people, mostly used in the phrase “running a train”
AU – That porn star is best known for his Anal Train series in which he has ‘roided-out weightlifters run a train on his butt while on an actual train.

Tuck
CT – the act of placing ones self in to the most aerodynamic position possible to maximize speed by reducing wind drag
AU – He was in a tuck going downhill to try and catch the race leaders.

SS- the physical act of placing one’s male reproductive organs behind one’s thighs to create the look of a vagina
AU – In the 1991 movie Silence of the Lambs, Buffalo Bill tucked his junk so he could look like a chick.

Vibration
CT – the dynamic movement created by minor to major road impacts as translated through the bike and its components in to the bike rider’s body parts that is sought to be eliminated as much as possible to reduce rider fatigue
AU – The road vibration from that cracked asphalt tired me out.

SS – the sensation created by minor to major impacts of a battery or electrically driven, typically plastic covered, device meant to bring about sexual arousal and/or climax
AU – The football coach caught his star quarterback using a little vibration, where the sun don’t shine, on the freshman wide receiver.

-griz-

Buck’s Top 7 Predictions for 2011

Posted in Rants on October 20th, 2010 by Angry Bike Guys – Be the first to comment

1) Alberto Contador receives a 1-year ban but has no trouble picking up a team after his suspension ends. He will not retire nor will he pursue a drawn out court battle which will only lengthen the time it takes to return to the bike.

2) Ivan Basso wins the Tour de France. His main competitor, Andy Schleck, will succumb to the same fate that Bradley Wiggins did on the transition to team Sky. Ted King, who weaseled his way into another ProTour contract, will again have no results and a shitty VeloNews blog.

3) Jeremy Powers wins the US National Cyclocross title (I guess this will still be 2010). No one is attacking off the line like Powers and after last year’s disappointment I think he is ready to make this happen.

4) Lance races the Tour Down Under but nothing else. The investigation will be too deep at that point. It will still take 3 to 4 years for anything to hit the courts, though.

5) Tom Danielson will finally get to race the Tour. He will place 4th.

6) Mountain biking will continue to be a superior cycling discipline compared to road biking but still no one will care about professional racing.

7) I regain my form as the “Best Climber in Glastonbury” and will prove my superiority on the epic steeps of Old Maids Lane once again. No woman join the group ride for the 6th straight year. Giovanni’s will name a pizza slice after me called the “Big Ring Beef n’ Cheese”.

Ultimate Athlete Showdown #2

Posted in Uncategorized on October 20th, 2010 by Angry Bike Guys – Be the first to comment

Today we’re pitting the Average Female Cyclist versus the Hot Female Stripper. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know what you’re thinking, “Griz, a stripper isn’t an athlete.” Oh really? I don’t know very many people that can hold themselves upside-down on a spinning pole and then do a full split after putting her leg behind her head. If gymnastics is a sport then so is stripping.

1. Amount of attention received
– Average Female Cyclist (AFC) – Tons
The male to female ratio is skewed, but you’re too busy talking about your “epic” weekend ride to notice that she wore the extra tight bib shorts today.
– Hot Female Stripper (HFS) – A lot
Although the male to female ratio isn’t as skewed and she has her bra off, you still keep chucking singles at her blindly while your buddies eat the grilled cheese and fries you ordered from the late-night menu.
– Winner – Hot Female Stripper

2. Amount of attention given
– (AFC) – Very little
She’s the minority of the group and has noticed you jockeying for position to draft off of her, so she feels she can be choosey.
– (HFS) – WAAAAAAAAY too much
She’s got college, a kid(s), and drugs to pay for. She’d jerk you off for an extra $5.
– Winner – Average Female Cyclist

2. Conversational ability
– (AFC) – She a cyclist and she’s female
All you have to do is listen and nod.
– (HFS) – Horrible
If it isn’t the music drowning out what she’s saying, its the fact that she has a wicked thick eastern european accent that you’re trying to understand.
– Winner – Average Female Cyclist

2. Looks
– (AFC) – Average
When factoring in the lycra and shortage of other females around though, a 5 jumps to a 7, a 7 to a 9, and so on.
– (HFS) – Wicked hot
Although, the dark room, flashing lights, piercingly loud music, and beer might be blurring your perception.
– Winner – its a tie here, no winner

3. Hours Kept
– (AFC) – Can be found typically during the day time
Not so much of a night person due to accidents, potholes, guys in vans, etc.
– (HFS) – Only found at night
Might possibly be a vampire or trying to hide her bruises in the cover of darkness.
– Winner – Average Female Cyclist

4. Odor
– (AFC) – Manageable
Typically sweaty, with a slight hint of some flowery deodorant.
– (HFS) – Overpowering
CVS perfume, feminine deodorant spray (FDS), even the rare slight fishy smell if you stupidly pay the extra $10 for her to take her thong off and she forgot to reapply the FDS properly.
– Winner – Average Female Cyclist

5. Drug usage
– (AFC) – Very little
No PEDs here, unless consider birth control a PED (Pregnancy Eliminating Device), and of course booze, typically not much else.
(HFS) – Like breathing
Coke, speed, meth, marijuana. And those are just the common ones. Hey, staying awake till 4 AM is tough.
– Winner – Average Female Cyclist

5. Chances of a date
– (AFC) – Slight
Your humor helps, but lycra makes things look smaller than they appear.
(HFS) – Not too sure
She said she thinks you’re cute and was sitting on your lap, but when you said you weren’t ready for a lap dance yet she started talking to your buddy. What the fuck?
– Winner – Average Female Cyclist

Well it looks like the Average Female Cyclist by a landslide. Its better that way anyway because trying to explain to your friends why you’re dating a stripper is like trying to explain why you haven’t bib shorts in weeks, no one believes your story and they’re afraid you’re going to catch a disease.

-griz-

I like big butts and I cannot lie

Posted in Rants on October 14th, 2010 by Angry Bike Guys – Be the first to comment

There is a severe lack of women on road bikes. Now, I’m not talking about professional, because most of them look like dudes. Just some cyclist chicks looking to shop ride. There needs to be a serious influx of lycra covered titties soon.

There’s way too many dudes riding and some of these dorks wear shit so tight that if you’re unlucky enough to get stuck behind them in a pace line you see their ass crack through their shorts. I want a couple of girls making that mistake.

On top of that, with the fucking prison mentality that’s set in, on a scale of 1 to 10 I’d take a 5. YES, A MOTHERFUCKING 5!!! C’mon ladies, come on down. As long as you’re in decent shape it’ll work.

I’m not saying I’m going to jump off my bike and start slinging cock, far from it. I just need a goddamn change from dudes walking around like a fucking 80’s jazzercise video.

I ride faster when chicks are around. Its that male show off/pride thing. Lower that zipper a little bit and I’ll gain about a whole mph on my average. This is a performance thing too, shit, hook a brother up.

-griz-

My 2011 Predictions

Posted in Rants on October 14th, 2010 by Angry Bike Guys – Be the first to comment

Yeah, I know there is still racing going on, but its boring racing. So its time for some predictions for next year. I already predicted that Michael Rogers was going to be a major race GC flop, and bam, the next days article on a prominent cycling website is an interview where he says he’s only going to concentrate on week long stage races. Yeah, BORING.

1. Farrar has an even more lack luster year due to Thor’s signing
– Farrar should be pissed because JV didn’t even lube it up before ramming it home. Saying Farrar is faster on the flats and that Thor is more of a classics/power sprinter is fucking smoke. JV needs to sack up and say that they need better big race exposure for the sponsors and they have no legit GC guy. Seconds and thirds just don’t cut it for the big ass sponsors they have.

2. Contador gets slapped with a 2 year ban
– Its going to happen. It has to happen. The story has become too big and he’s taken some glancing shots at L’Equipe, the UCI, and WADA. There’s only one guy who has done that and gotten away with that, Lance. Although, the jury is still out on that one.

3. Lance races Cali and Colorado
– He’s played a major role in getting both races started. The AToC organizers have already hinted at it, and he said publicly that he loved racing in Colorado. More so, I think the dude doesn’t want to end his career like he did at the TdF, but he doesn’t have the legs for it anymore

4. Taylor Phinney places higher in the TdF than Cadel Evans
– I’m really going out on a limb here, but I think Cadel is shot. I know this would be TP’s first TdF, but BMC doesn’t really have any good climbers (that’s why they brought in Sciandri as a scout) and they need a better showing than what they pulled last year

5. Janez Brajkovic has a huge year for Radioshack
– Radioshack doesn’t have any legit GC guys for the TdF. Horner, Levi, and Kloden are all good riders, but they don’t have that attack/counter-attack acceleration anymore. His accelerations at the Dauphine force AC to turn to the PEDs and he got his test run in last year as a wind screen for Lance at the TdF.

6. Boonen still can’t win a big race
– I think his fear of fucking up his knee and the lack of a solid lead out have screwed him. He can’t come off a wheel for a win like Cav now or Mcewen in his prime.

7. Cancellara repeats as Paris-Roubaix champion
– The dude is a goddamn freight train on the cobbles. Who is going to challenge him? Boonen, Thor, Farrar, Hoste, Ballan, Hincapie, Flecha, Freire? SHELLS I TELL YOU, SHELLS OF THE MAN KNOWN AS SPARTICUS!!!

8. The Bradley Wiggins downfall continues
– It has nothing to do with Sky, it has everything to do with Wiggins. Vaughters must be giggling like a turtlenecked schoolboy now that the truth has shown like a light on the fact that Wiggins did well in a real weak TdF field that year.

9. HTC-Highroad brings on a big sponsor to replace Colombia and resigns Cav
– When you think of that team who is the first guy you think of? Yup, Cav is the answer. They’ve got other good guys on that team, but Cav is snappin’ necks and cashin’ checks. Without Cav they’re not getting another big sponsor.

10. Cav wins the TdF green jersey
– Yeah, I like Cav, fuck off. Think about it though, if he didn’t crash in last year he would of won the green jersey. Look at how close he was in points. He’s the fastest guy on wheels is those last couple of meters and he’s becoming more consistent over the mountains where you can’t miss the cut, but want to conserve as much as possible. Case in point, name me the last guy to have back to back Champs Elysees wins.

11. Andy wins the TdF yellow jersey
– I know that if they find Contador guilty he will of won it this year, but I’m talking about victory laps, champagne, speeches, the whole nine yards. The new focus on the TdF without having to waste guys to protect other riders (Cancellara & Saxo Bank) is key.

12. People still don’t care about the polka dot jersey, but the french keep chasing it down because its the only jersey they can win
– Don’t hold your breath thinking that a frenchman is going to win the green or yellow because you’ll end up dead (or at least passed out for a while). “Oooo, look at me I can climb, I’m the mountains leeeeeeeeader.” No, you’re not, if you could climb you would be a GC contender. Go take a shower and your food sucks.

13. The new aussie team doesn’t get any big wins
– Eh…yeah…they’re going to suck, NEXT

14. Nothing more comes of the Floyd/Lance bullshit
– I think that there is just a straight up lack of solid concrete evidence. Floyd just had a vendetta and needed money. Why else would he of filed paperwork under the whistleblower act. He’s a scumbag. Took peoples money and swore he didn’t dope. Asshole.

15. Robert Gesink and Andy Schlek learn how to TT
– Take a look at the TdF. Definitely not as bad as Rasmussen because the was the biggest sports choke ever, but Andy and Gesink TT like they’re sitting on a seat post without a seat on it. I’ve seen better aero positions on beach cruisers.

-griz-

Ultimate Athlete Showdown #1

Posted in Uncategorized on October 13th, 2010 by Angry Bike Guys – Be the first to comment

Ultimate Athlete Showdown #1
Alberto Contador vs Ronnie Coleman

Contador Coleman Advantage
Speed …is faster on a bicycle; a child’s toy. …can move heavy loads very fast. Coleman
Strength …cannot do a bodyweight pull-up. …can deadlift a house. Coleman
Endurance …can ride his bicycle for weeks straight. …is good for up to 5 reps. But those are heavy reps. Coleman
Flexibility …permanently stuck in the riding position. …has a 6″ range of motion. One inch more than Alberto. Coleman
Drugs Clenbuterol, EPO, cow’s blood Clenbuterol, EPO, cow’s blood, protein, creatine, HGH, testosterone, Dianabol, Andirol, Oxandrolone, Masterol, “the clear”, “the cream”, purified fish oil and chocolate milk. Coleman
Drug Intake Spanish cuisine, blood transfusion Needles, milk jugs Coleman
Catch Phrase “Yo hombres mierda!” “LIGHT WEIGHT!!!”, “It’s only a peanut” Coleman
In a Plane Crash …useless sack of bones. …enough meat to go around. Coleman
Body Shape T-Rex Chevy Big Block V12 Coleman

That was easy. Professional cyclists are frail & weak. Ronnie Coleman is a man’s man and a lot of fun at parties. Until next time, consider this:

-Von-